Okay so first .. sex should never be painful ..not even the first time!!!
Sex should always feel comfortable and enjoyable!!
For sex to be enjoyable and comfortable arousal is needed. Becoming aroused is the body’s way of preparing for sex – but it doesn’t mean that you have to have sex.
You can be aroused by being near or even thinking about a person that you like or when there is consensual physical touch with another.
When aroused a lot of blood flows around the genitals, making the penis erect and hard and the vagina relaxed and stretched out. With arousal also comes natural lubrication (getting wet), which comes through the vaginal walls and makes the entry very smooth.
If arousal doesn’t happen, sex can be painful, specifically for women. So, don’t try to have sex with a non-aroused vagina or penis!!!
Even though sex should never be painful, many people, particularly women, feel pain during sex and not only the first time!!
If you are experiencing painful sex go through the check list and see if any of the points apply to you. Also, talk to your GP or Gynaecologist about it.
Possible causes for painful sex:
- Uncertain feelings towards sex that might stem from shame, guilt, fear, or anxiety.
- Sexual positions you are not comfortable with or not feeling comfortable with penetrative sex.
- Feeling that your partner is being too rough.
- Injuries or irritation of the vagina or penis due to rough sex and/or masturbation.
Don’t carry on with painful sex in the hope that it will get better, because often it doesn’t get better and in fact it can get worse.
Remember that your body is always communicating with you and if something doesn’t feel right to also look at the relationship we have with ourselves, including psychological and emotional wellbeing.
- How do you feel in your relationship?
- How do you feel about your body?
- Are you generally enjoying sex?
Communicating with your (sexual) partner about what you are experiencing is very important. Definitely don’t feel ashamed or believe you are not functioning correctly (especially in cases, where your partner seems to enjoy the sex) and therefore continue with the painful intercourse.
Speaking with your partner can offer an intimate conversation and clear any emotions and problems you may experience regarding sex.
It’s also important that if you have any concerns or are experiencing painful sex to contact your GP or a professional to speak for advice and support.
Possible medical causes for painful sex in women:
- Infections: Bacterial, yeast, or sexually transmitted infections can cause pain during sex and usually have other symptoms, like discharge.
- Skin conditions that affect the genital areas.
- Vaginal dryness is the most common cause. Dryness can not only make sex painful, it throws off the vagina’s balance of good bacteria, which can result in infections that contribute to painful sex.
- Vaginismus: The muscles at the opening of the vagina become tightly contracted, causing pain during sex.
- Vulvodynia: Chronic pain at the opening of the vagina, including burning, stinging, soreness, itching, rawness, and pain during sex.
Possible medical causes for painful sex in men:
- A tight foreskin can make penetration painful, as the foreskin is pushed back.
- Small tears in the foreskin that can’t be seen but cause soreness and a sharp, stinging pain around the tear.
- Inflammation of the prostate gland (prostatitis).
- Testicle pain and swelling can sometimes be caused by getting sexually aroused but not ejaculating (coming). This can also be a sign of an infection, such as chlamydia.
