Category > Love, Relationships
Healthy & Unhealthy Relationships
UNHEALTHY REALTIONSHIPS…what does it cost us?
Being in an unhealthy or toxic relationship costs us more than we think. We may want to ignore it or brush it aside thinking its not such a big deal or that we will sort it out later but the more we do this the more the more it nudges us off our path and true course of life and delays us having healthy relationships with other people.
Tip: Don’t keep relationships a secret! Talk to people you trust about them, even if it’s a friendship in your life where something just doesn’t feel quite right. This doesn’t mean gossiping about the person but instead sounding out something you feel, or has come up. Even if it sounds silly. In talking about it, it can help you see more clearly what you need to do.
SIGNS OF AN UNHEALTHY OR TOXIC RELATIONSHIP:
- Blame
- Humiliation
- Intimidation
- Name calling and insults
- Jealous
- Control
- Manipulation
- Not being able to be you
- Feeling pressured to do things you don’t want to
- Being ignored
- Threats
- Blackmail
- Bribery
- Any form or physical, emotional, sexual or psychological abuse
- Waiting for something to happen
- Wanting a need to be filled by the other person (e.g. for them to love you instead of you loving you first!)
Sometimes we don’t want to be seen as the ‘bad’ person in breaking up with someone or moving on from a friendship but who are we really doing that for and why?
Being in a friendship or relationship so we can be seen as being ‘nice’ or just to be in one so we don’t feel alone costs us more than we think.
Be true to you always.
People come and go in your life but you are ALWAYS with you so do what feels right for you.
HEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS
Having a healthy relationship with you first builds a truly incredible foundation for ALL other relationships in your life.
Just as unhealthy or toxic relationships can put us in debt in many ways (emotionally, mentally, physically, and financially), healthy relationships can catapult us to having a pretty awesome and enriching life in many beautiful ways.
Be true to you, take care of your body and listen to your inner heart it will guide you and keep you on track.
SIGNS OF A HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP:
- Respect
- Trust
- Feeling safe
- Being able to just be who you are – don’t feel you need to try to fit in or to be liked
- Care
- Listening to each other
- Communication – being able to say how you feel
- Having different interest
- Having the freedom and space to do your own thing
- Having fun together
- Appreciating yourself and others
- Knowing your opinions are valued and respected even if the other person doesn’t agree
- Making decisions together
- Being able to talk about things if you have had an argumet
- Being able to go at your own pace in the relationship – including sexually
- Accepting the decision if one of you wants to end the relationship
Being hurt and moving on from a break-up
It can seem very painful and at times feel like the end of the world when someone we like or love has broken up with us and can end up going through a roller coaster or emotions. So, what to do when this happens?
STOP! This is a time to be super gentle with yourself and love yourself even more.
Rest if you need to rest, cry if you need to cry, write your thoughts and feelings down if this helps, be with friends and people in your life that truly support you. This time and these feelings will pass.
Give yourself space to reflect on how you feel and how the relationship was.
What were the parts you liked about it, what were the parts you didn’t like about it, what would you have done differently?
Doing this and not going into hurts and blame etc (that includes blaming you and having loads of thoughts about what you could or have done wrong) makes it easier to heal.
If you feel you need professional help, go for it, find a counsellor or someone you can speak to.
Talking about it can help you to release emotions and feelings from your body getting them out instead of keeping them in. Having this time for you is really important to learn, grow and evolve from this experience supporting you to not experience or have this feeling again.
Remember you are AMAZING ❤️
Testimonial:
‘I found out the hard way that unhealthy or not true relationships leave us with debt in so many ways – emotionally, mentally, socially and even financially.
One choice that isn’t so great has a ripple effect in our life that can take a long time to get back on track.
I had been in an abusive relationship and eventually managed to free myself and get out of it.
Fast forward a year and I re-connected with a friend who lived in another place about 3 hours away from me. Previously when we lived together as friends a few years ago I really liked him, he was very sweet. When we re-connected, he said he liked me too and we ended up getting together – only living in completely different locations! So basically, it was an online relationship.
The need for love and to be loved for me was huge.
My self-love, self-worth and self-esteem was very low and if someone said they loved me .. well that would make me feel better right?
Any message that came my way through him by text, any crumb of love or what resembled love meant that I held out for this relationship for over 2 years. In that time we only saw each other about twice and would text the rest of the time.
Trying to hold onto something and waiting for something more to happen, made me not be able to completely focus on my life and move forward in ways that were practical.
Day to day sure it looked like I was doing things and getting on with my life but really, I was just waiting for us to be together. The holding on for something to happen, for them to say they wanted to be with me on a physical level meant I was not moving forward. I wasn’t calling any shots but waiting for it to come from them, because then that meant that they did love me right?
In the end this relationship affected my emotional and mental wellbeing on quite a big level and it took me a while to see the damage of holding out for something that wasn’t true had done.
He wasn’t abusive but it .. well it just wasn’t a relationship…
I had a huge emptiness in me that I was waiting and wanting someone else to fill.
And I waited a long time. It cost me financially as well in wanting to be together and nothing happening I took out a loan to get things I could ‘have’! It took me years to pay this off and nothing came of the relationship.’
Testimonial:
‘When I was in my teens there were many things that didn’t feel right in friendships and really, if I’m honest, I had no idea how to truly have a relationship even with myself!
I felt constantly pulled by other people in my life and the outside world trying to fit in with what was around me instead of being true to what I felt within.
Even though on some level I was aware of this I ignored it thinking it’s not that important and I’ll sort it out at some point in my life when im older and get back on track, only that some point got later and later and later and friendships and my relationship with myself became more toxic which took way longer to heal and get myself back on track because I didn’t stop what I felt wasn’t true straight away.
I would say if something doesn’t feel right within yourself or in a friendship or relationship STOP! Don’t ignore it or go along with it get support to make the changes needed straight away … you will be so glad you did.’
