Sexual affective responsibility is making informed decisions and choices with your partner (even if you are just linking with someone you can still have sexual affective responsibility). This involves respecting and caring for your partner and having open communication about all forms of sexual activity including protecting against STI’s and contraception.
The Bigger Picture
Anything and everything we do not only affects ourselves but also another.
Okay, so imagine the world as a huge big swimming pool 😬 where every move we make, everything we do either towards ourselves or another has a ripple effect outwards. This ripple not only comes back to us (we feel our actions) but can also be felt by all others!
This is what is truly happening .. only without the water (swimming pool). Gosh that some responsibility then! It’s about how we are, not only with ourselves, but with everyone.
“I would prefer to have a boyfriend and be in a relationship, but most boys just want a friend with benefits, so I accept that as it’s the only thing that is out there.”
“I’m really worried he will just use me … but I really like him. I guess I am just hoping he respects me.”
“We just linked up, nothing more and I’m cool with that”
What’s really going on? The effects of porn …
Beat & Delete
Could it be that porn and the abuse in porn affects how people are, and treat others, thinking this is okay? Beat & Delete was an expression that refers to downloading porn and then masturbating (beating it) and then deleting the porn after you’re done. This is also now known as when a boy gets in touch with a girl to have sex with her (beat) or vice versa and then after having sex, he/she stops talking to them (delete) acting like they don’t know them. #Ghosting
Hit it & Quit it
Another expression for the same action, to have sex with someone and then dump the person.
These practices refer to what has been called ‘making hate’ in porn and is the intention to use, abuse and hurt another. If we have this being accepted and going on, how do we raise the standards for and in our relationships?
What if abuse has been normalised in relationships? That it’s okay to treat someone with disregard? Where do we go from here?
Can you remember a time when you have NOT been treated with love, respect and care and how this has caused you to be in emotions like anger, frustration, sadness and/or a feeling of injustice?
How have you dealt with this? Did you blame the other or did you blame yourself or do we hurt another person because we have been hurt?
Instead of blaming and reacting we can communicate by responding!!
- Express what you are feeling
- Let the other know what is going on, what you are feeling inside, as nobody can read your thoughts, you have to express them
- Don’t assume that the others know or don’t expect them to guess
- If you don’t understand what the other wants, ask them
- Express your needs and what you want. Romantic love has given us this image of magically being loved in exactly the way you want or need to be loved. Nobody is responsible to fill or match your expectations!
Make decency, respect and love the foundation of all your interactions!