Communication is key!
We often tend to attack or blame the other when we are in a conflicting situation. We tend to talk about what others are doing and with this blame, judge or attack them. This does not support anybody and specifically when we are dealing with a possible aggressor this can put us into an insecure situation.
You are much more stronger in any situation if you do not focus on what the other did or said, but on how YOU feel in a situation. If you stop blaming and you just express from your feelings this helps the other to get out of their reaction and gives them the possibility to respond.
I-Message - Express yourself!
DESCRIBE HOW YOU FEEL…
- “I feel very sad right now…”
DESCRIBE HOW THE SITUATION MAKES YOU FEEL….
- “I feel very uncomfortable now…”
- “I don’t know what to say…”
DESCRIBE HOW WHAT IS HAPPENING CONNECTS TO HOW YOU FEEL…
- I feel angry when people call me names.
- I feel hurt when no one asks what I want to do.
- I feel suspicious when someone tells me one thing, then I find out they are doing another.
I become frustrated and annoyed when people say they will do something for me and then they don’t.
When I am picked on by others, I feel this rage in my gut and just want to rip something to pieces.
I feel frightened because of all the yelling and pushing.
I feel humiliated as shouting at me in front of others shows a lack of respect.
I feel worried when there is no phone call or message…
When people talk about me as if I am not even there, I feel powerless and useless.
I feel hurt because no one asked me what I thought.
You can say NO!
Have you ever had a time when someone has asked you for something and you felt that you couldn’t say no? A friend borrowing a dress or top, someone asking for your snap or phone number, asking for more information about you, someone going to touch you, someone asking for a picture?
For some people it may be easy to say no. They have the confidence in their body to do this, for some of us we might find this not so easy and that’s okay… we just need practice with it. Have you ever given yourself the space to even explore ways of actually saying no to something or someone?
The broken record
It is super important to reflect on what is making us react and build our capacity to respond and say ‘No’ to what we feel is not supporting us. However, you will often be in situations with people who want to force you to see their point of view, or to do what they want you to do. When you do not agree, they can become quite irate and aggressive. So it is also important to know what to do when this is happening.
Keep yourself safe!!!
This technique got its name from the days of vinyl records. When a vinyl record was scratched or broken, it played the same piece of music repeatedly.
The technique requires you to repeat the same message repeatedly, until the other person becomes clear that you are not going to change your mind. With the broken record you are only given one and the same consistent message over and over again.
Important: Your message needs to be very clear!!
- Yes, I know it’s important, but I don’t want to go…Sorry, but I don’t want to go…I realize what it means to you, but I don’t want to go.
- Yes, I know we are having a great time and I really love spending time with you, but I don’t want to kiss you….. I know that you feel like doing it and that is cool, but I don’t want kiss you…. I know that you expect me to kiss you, but I don’t want to kiss you….. Yes I do like you very much, but I don’t want to kiss you….
Ways of saying NO:
Could walk away from the person;
Put your hand up to stop them;
Verbally say No
- Could block them
- Report them.
- Or just not reply
Can you think of more or different ways of saying NO?