“I was in a relationship where
every move I did was controlled.”
And that was only the beginning! When he found out that I had a male friend at school, I was required to ‘break off’ the friendship, along with many others I cared about. Everything I did, my clothing and behaviour were under constant suspicious scrutiny. I felt like his ‘property’ and was constantly nervous about doing something wrong.
But, he was so loving at times!!! He would surprise me with notes and gifts or lavish me in compliments and affection, which felt really sweet and loving.
However, most of the time my words got twisted around, and with time I began to blame myself. I thought I deserved this ill-treatment directed towards me, because he was so kind and charismatic with everyone else and I believed everything that started happening behind closed doors was 100% my fault. It was a nightmare and I was trying to convince myself all the time that he was really loving and I just had to be ‘better’.
But at some point with the help of friends I realized my lack of self-worth and that this relationship was not loving. I had settled for a very low standard of love in my relationship and in understanding this it was my way out of an unhealthy relationship.
I found my way out and although he continued to contact me, track me down in public and was heavily stalking me I eventually healed and learned not only to trust again but to love myself.
I used to think that intense jealousy came from a place of love. And because I was so eager to please, I allowed the unhealthy behaviour, not realizing how destructive it was for both of us.
If you’re in a relationship and experience similar behaviours, please don’t ignore them and justify them with the good behaviours!!
“And always remember, you’re not alone! You also aren’t worthless, crazy, or to blame. No matter what’s been done, no one deserves to be abused.”
We have asked young people in Spain, Hungary, Serbia and Croatia these following questions about violence and control and this is what they answered:
Do you think that the demand for constant messaging from a partner is a form of violent behavior?
If your partner is constantly messaging you and demanding that you respond immediately and apologize, how many of you would do it right away?